Chapter Fourteen: Closure vs Cataclysmic Proportions
Following another therapy session with Dr Raynor,
Bucky took a slow walk back to his motorcycle. He’d been reluctant to discuss
his relationship with Sarah, given its precarious status, but the interview
segment was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
“A path of patience and understanding would be the
best way to navigate these emotions,”
Raynor’s words echoed in Bucky’s head. “Provide support instead of
confronting her with jealousy and accusations.”
He believed in the strength of their bond, confident
that open communication and mutual respect would guide them through any
challenge. So, rather than acting out of insecurity, Bucky leaned into their
affection for one another, allowing Sarah the freedom to process her feelings
in her own time. He remained steadfast, trusting in the foundation of trust and
honesty upon which their relationship was built.
Just then, Bucky’s phone buzzed in his pocket.
“MISSION ALERT. ASSET RECOVERY. TARGET IDENTIFIED AS VIP WITH CRITICAL INTEL. GEAR UP, AWAITING FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS.–NAT"
“Perfect timing, as always, Romanoff,” he grumbled,
shoving his phone back in his pocket.
Bucky spotted Sarah outside, a ways from the compound.
He snuck up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist as he kissed her
softly.
“What are you doing here? I thought we were meeting
up tonight,” Sarah beamed.
“Yeah, I kind of have to head out again. Nat, Sam,
and I–”
“What, again? I feel like I just got you back,” she
interjected, resisting the urge to whine any further.
Bucky cradled her face in his hands, gently brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “Hey, when I get back, we’ll have that date
night I promised you. No distractions, no delays.”
Sarah exhaled softly, her teeth grazing the inside of her cheek. A familiar wave of unease washed over her. It threatened to stir awake the sleeping giants of her past. Those pesky demons of dependence and learned helplessness she'd fought so hard to lull into submission. Who knew that all the glitz, glamour, and success in the world couldn't quite patch up the tender spots left by growing up as the baby Carter? Fame, as it turned out, was a band-aid on a wound that needed stitches.
The thought of another stretch of time apart from Bucky tugged at her heartstrings, playing a melancholy tune of vulnerability and self-doubt. It was like being that little girl again, standing at the edge of the pool, torn between the fear of jumping in and the desire to make a splash. Sarah closed her eyes, feeling the sting of unshed tears. This was her constant tango with the shadows of her past... one step forward into her hard-earned strength, one step back into the arms of old insecurities.
“You know I wish I could stay, but duty calls.”
Bucky paused with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “C’mon, babydoll, what
do I always say? I’ll be back before you know it...”
Sarah nodded, trying to hold back her tears. She
understood Bucky’s commitment to his work, but it didn't make saying goodbye
any easier.
"I guess," she replied quietly, her voice barely above a
whisper. “Not as if I can change your mind.”
Bucky pulled her into a tender embrace. He
understood that emotions were complex and didn't always follow a logical
timeline. Her unwillingness to let him go somewhat soothed the sting of the
interview. In Bucky’s mind, it sort of validated her feelings for him,
reinforcing his belief that Sarah would confide in him when she was ready.
Bucky sat alone in the quiet of night during a
transatlantic flight, his mind churning with the haunting memories of his
friendship with Steve. One particular scene replayed in vivid detail—the moment
Steve had selflessly offered to step aside if Bucky had feelings for Peggy
Carter.
He could still hear Steve’s words like a relentless refrain. “I’ll
step aside, give you the space to pursue her. You’ve always been there for me,
and the last thing I want is to cause animosity between us.”
It had been years since that conversation, yet its enormity still affected him deeply. That, together with the suspicion of
Sarah’s lingering feelings for Steve, gnawed at Bucky’s insides, robbing him of
sleep.
“Wanna tell me what’s been goin’ on in that head of
yours?” Sam broke the silence.
Focus had always been Bucky’s hallmark, his
unrelenting dedication to the task at hand earning him respect among the team. However,
during their latest mission, Sam observed moments of distraction and
uncharacteristic slips, minor details that hinted at a deeper turmoil. He
couldn’t ignore it any longer.
Bucky rubbed a hand over his tired eyes. “I’ll pass,
thanks.”
“Alright, I’m starting to wonder if I should take
the secrecy personally. I mean, Nat’s down and out in La-La Land. If there’s
ever a time to open up, it’s now.”
The two glanced at Nat, curled up on a bench. Sure
enough, she was sound asleep.
“Do you think it’s possible,” Bucky started, “for
two people to love each other without ever realising it themselves?”
Sam listened attentively, his expression
sympathetic, but he didn’t dare speak. Not yet. Not when Bucky was actually
opening up to him.
“‘Cause I’m thinking Steve and Sarah… I don’t know,
there’s unfinished business, unresolved feelings… I can’t move forward with her
until she gets closure.”
As Bucky gave Sam an account of recent happenings, understanding
dawned on his face. And at the opposite end of the cabin, Natasha’s eyes flew
open, having heard everything.
“So, you’ve hashed it out with Steve… and
Sarah hasn’t…?”
Bucky shook his head.
“…And they haven't spoken since their run-in at
S.H.I.E.L.D.?”
“As far as I know,” he answered, shrugging a slumped
shoulder.
Sam inhaled deeply, blowing out his breath as he
mulled over the details of Bucky’s twisted love triangle.
“Sounds like, whether you like it or not, you’re
going to have to address the issue. I get not wanting to put pressure on her,
but would you rather the uncertainty loom over you and your relationship? Always
wondering if there’s something between them?”
“And if it turns out that her feelings for Steve is stronger than she claims?”
“If you love something, set it free, right?”
As the aircraft ascended into the sky, silence descended upon the tense cabin, each teammate alone with their own thoughts. For
Sam, it was profound concern for his friend, witnessing the unfolding drama
akin to a real-life soap opera. Natasha, on the other hand, found herself
absorbed in Bucky’s side of the story. Having been privy to Steve’s
perspective, she now sat with Bucky’s account; the missing pieces. And as for Bucky,
amidst the anticipation, there lingered a sense of dread, accompanied by the
weariness that settled deep within his bones.
The hours in transit passed slowly, but finally, the
trio touched down on familiar soil. With a renewed sense of purpose, Bucky made
his way home before surprising Sarah with the romantic evening he had promised.
Wholly dedicated to strengthening their
relationship, he showered her with affection without expecting anything in
return. He knew that love wasn't about possessing or controlling someone; it
was about nurturing and understanding, even when it was challenging. But upon
dropping Sarah off at the compound, Bucky thought back on Sam’s advice. It was
now or never.
“Sarah,” he started, taking her hands in his, “I
know returning to New York hasn’t been easy. You’ve come home to find that
everything you once knew has… flipped upside down.”
Sarah narrowed her eyes. “Bucky, what are you–“
“Hold on, let me finish. I need to get this out while
I have the courage.” With a deep inhale, Bucky squeezed his eyes shut, steeling
himself before potentially setting her free. “I want you to go to Steve. Talk,
fight, whatever it is you need to do. I think there are things between you two
that need closure. Things that are holding us back.”
“Holding us back? Bucky, I don't understand.”
“You two live under the same roof and haven’t talked
since you started at HQ. If that isn’t indicative of unfinished business, I
don’t know what is. And until you address it…”
“I don’t understand why you’re doing this. I thought
we were doing okay.” Sarah frowned, pulling her hands out of Bucky’s grasp.
He paused, looking her square in the eye. “Because I
love you too much not to.”
It wasn’t the most romantic moment to drop the “L”
word, and certainly not the way he’d envisioned telling her, but it was a
pivotal moment nonetheless, a crossroads of sorts.
Sarah slow-blinked in response. “D-did you just say
you love me?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“Then don’t make me do this. I don’t want to see
Steve. We’re done. It’s over. That friendship’s dead and gone.”
Bucky gently cradled Sarah’s face in his hands,
forcing her to look up at him. “Sweetheart, do this for me… for us… I don’t
want us to be haunted by what-ifs and uncertainties. And once you guys have
cleared the air, you and I can move forward… focus on us.”
Sarah stalked off to her suite, seeking solitude. She
was all too familiar with avoidance behaviour—retreating from social
interactions to cope with overwhelming emotions. It was a key dynamic she had
worked through with her therapist at boarding school. But tonight, she craved
solitude. The irony was not lost on her: the poster child for dependency and
learned helplessness now needing to self-isolate. She often viewed herself as a
walking contradiction, which only added to her identity struggles.
Not before long, Sarah’s bedroom door swung open,
and in walked her beloved friend, Althea. Althea’s face fell upon seeing
Sarah’s tear-streaked face. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d walked in on
Sarah this way. In the weeks following her departure, Althea became a regular
on red-eye flights from JFK to LAX. Sarah had just left her home, her friends,
and Steve; she was miserable. Cried every day for months on end.
“W-what are you…? How did you…?” Sarah stammered.
“How do you think? Bucky called me. Said you could
use a friend. You two didn’t break up, did you?” Althea stroked Sarah’s golden
hair, lulling her to calm.
“No… No… Quite the contrary…”
Sarah proceeded to tell Althea all that she had
missed. From the fallout with Steve at S.H.I.E.L.D., to Bucky’s confession
earlier that evening.
“Babe, I get it, I really do… But listen, you have
this amazing guy who’s just poured his heart out to you. That’s got to count
for something, doesn’t it? Maybe it’s time to see this from a different angle.
Bucky’s the one who’s here right now, ready to love you. Appreciate what you’ve
gained, instead of focusing on what you’ve lost.”
The atmosphere in the room shifted. Althea knew she
was teetering on dangerous ground by bringing this up, but she needed Sarah to
see reason.
“After everything you’ve been through, Bucky’s love
is a gift. Perhaps by closing this chapter with Steve, you’re opening up a
whole new, wonderful one. You owe it to yourself, Sarah. To Bucky too.”
“No, you’re right,” Sarah finally spoke, much to
Althea’s relief. “It’s time to kiss Steve goodbye. Along with… everything else
that’s happened.”
A heavy-hearted silence befell the bedroom. All
Althea could think to do at that moment was to lay her hand atop Sarah’s,
understanding the full weight of her words.
“Meet me on the rooftop…”“Could I see you in my room…”“Living area in 20.”
Four words, eighteen characters. The first text
Steve received from Sarah in over five years.
His heart somersaulted as he read her text. The
words on the screen seemed innocuous enough, but the unfamiliar tone triggered anticipation and dread. He read her message over and over, trying to
decipher its meaning and/or the reasoning behind it, its simplicity only breeding
confusion.
What did Sarah want to talk about? And why now,
after all this time? Their last encounter hadn’t exactly been civil. Would this
meeting bring closure or only serve to open old wounds yet again?
Once ten minutes had lapsed, Steve approached the
deserted living area, unable to wait the full twenty minutes. He paced back and
forth, playing plausible scenarios in his head as memories flooded his mind—of
shared laughter, deep conversations, and stolen glances.
The faint smell of peach hair shampoo, followed by
the sound of soft footsteps, alerted Steve of Sarah’s proximity. As she took
the corner, finally in full view, his heart skipped a beat. Of course, Sarah
looked as beautiful as ever, yet there was a seriousness and sadness in her
eyes that tugged at Steve’s nerves.
Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he closed
the distance between them. The sense of foreboding intensified as Sarah pulled
out a chair near the window, not quite meeting his eyeline.
“You, uh… wanted to see me?” Steve started, his
voice wavering ever so slightly.
“Don’t flatter yourself. My boyfriend orchestrated
this. I’m doing this for him… So let’s get this over and done with.”
Steve gritted his teeth, willing himself to remain
perfectly composed despite the knots in his stomach. “Get what over and
done with? Sarah, I don’t know what you expect me to say. I’ve assured Bucky
there’s nothing between us. Sure, I was taken aback at first, but I’m not about
to stand in your way. You want to be together? Great, I’m happy for you.”
“Oh, he’s happy for me. Fantastic! I feel much
better now.”
Sarah silently berated herself for allowing bitterness to crack
her stoic façade. Letting Steve know how she really felt wasn’t part of the
plan, but there she was, her emotions getting the best of her.
Steve sighed Sarah’s name, gazing at her with an
expression she knew well—he was pained. Seizing the opportunity, she blurted
the one question weighing heaviest on her heart.
“Why are you marrying my sister? You can have anyone.
Why’d it have to be her?”
“Sarah, don’t… don’t do this,” Steve practically
begged.
Experience taught her that there was very little
Steve wouldn’t do for her. For years, he had prioritised her time and time
again. If she pushed the tiniest bit, he’d cave.
“When I made the decision to come back, you
were the one I wanted to see most. Imagine my surprise to see that the golden
couple, the royals of S.H.I.E.L.D., are getting hitched.”
“Sarah, it’s not–“
“What, it’s easier for you to pretend it’s me when
it’s my sister, is that it? Nighttime rolls around, the lights go out, and, in
your head, I’m the one lying next to you… A Carter is a Carter, right?”
Steve bit back a snide remark that would only add fuel to the fire. When he thought back to the time he’d suffered
following her silent departure, her sarcastic tone did nothing but piss him
off.
“What does it matter who I marry?”
“’Cause it’s supposed to be me, Steven! It was
always supposed to be me!”
The blood drained from Steve’s face upon hearing
those words. He stood motionless, his heart pounding in his chest.
“Satisfied? Is that what you wanted to hear? That
I’ve loved you since that stupid day in the hallway?”
Steve set his jaw as he glared down at Sarah. “If
this is your idea of some sick joke…”
“It’s not.”
Unbeknownst to them both, it was a battle of wills—each
side unrelenting in their attempts to achieve their desired outcome. They both
remained quiet, Steve’s blank stare against Sarah’s desperate, tear-filled
gaze.
She swallowed the lump in her throat and mustered
every bit of willpower to break the silence. “I guess we’re about done here?”
“Yeah,” Steve breathed, keeping his gaze lowered.
“For what it’s worth, I lied to you. The night of
Tony’s party…? Leaving you behind is my greatest regret. I knew it the second I
left New York. But I guess that’s too little too late, isn’t it?”
Steve took a slow, deliberate breath, his hands
trembling as his fingers curled into fists at his sides, fighting against
overwhelming emotions.
Sarah’s heart broke at his silence. A part of
her hoped he’d at least object, give in the way he always had in the past.
Then again, it's been over five years. People change. Relationships devolve.
It’s not as if she did her part to keep the friendship intact.
Defeated, Sarah stood to her feet and made a start
for the door. “This is the end of our story,” she thought. “Just another
secret I’ll have to bury on my own.” With that, she strode over to Steve
and pressed her lips against his.
Before he could comprehend what she was doing, Steve
instinctively pulled Sarah closer by the small of her back, relishing the feel
of what he’d spent years dreaming about. He couldn’t deny the immense
sense of belonging; she had to have felt it too. It felt right, true, like a
law of the universe.
All too soon, Sarah broke away from him. “Goodbye,
Steve,” she whispered, fleeing the living area without looking back.
Watch Episode 14 Here:
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